Shared by my Mom - A Laugh a day...
Who is that OLD lady ;-)Last night my mom shared this with us...
Needless to say we were laughing
so hard we were crying...
so hard we were crying...
HA and she says we are too young to relate...
Please credit this one to the Ann Landers column;
Please credit this one to the Ann Landers column;
Senior Sentiments
-----A very weird thing has happened. A strange oldlady has moved into my house. I have no idea who she is, where she camefrom, or how she got in. I certainly did not invite her. All I know isthat one day, she wasn't there, and the next day, she was.She is a clever old lady, and manages to keep out of sight for the mostpart, but whenever I pass a mirror, I catch a glimpse of her. Andwhenever I look in the mirror to check my appearance, there she is,hogging the whole thing, completely obliterating my gorgeous face andbody. This is very rude. I have tried screaming at her, but she justscreams back.If she insists on hanging around, the least she could do is offer to paypart of the rent, but no. Ever once in a while I find a dollar billstuck in a coat pocket, or some loose change under a sofa cushion, butit is not nearly enough.I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I think she is stealing fromme. I go to the ATM and withdraw $100 and a few days later, it's allgone. I certainly don't spend money that fast, so I can only concludethe old lady is pilfering from me.You'd think she would spend some of that money to buy wrinkle cream.Lord knows she needs it! And money isn't the only thing she isstealing. Food seems to disappear at an alarming rate---especially thegood stuff like ice cream, cookies, and candy. I can't seem to keep thatstuff in the house anymore. She must have a real sweet tooth, but she'dbetter watch it ,because she is really packing on the pounds. I suspectshe realizes this, and to make herself feel better, she is tamperingwith my scale to make me think I am putting on weight, too.For an old lady, she is quite childish. She likes to play nasty games,like going into my closets when I'm not home and altering my clothes sothey don't fit. And she messes with my files and papers so I can't findanything. This is particularly annoying since I am extremely neat andorganized. She also fiddles with my VCR so it does not record what Ihave correctly programmed.She has found other imaginative ways to annoy me. She gets into my mail,newspapers, and magazines before I do, and blurs the print so I can'tread it. And she has done something really sinister to the volumecontrols on my TV, radio and telephone. Now all I hear are mumbles andwhispers.She has done other things--like make my stairs steeper, my vacuumcleaner heavier, and all my knobs and faucets harder to turn. She evenmade my bed higher so that getting into and out of it is a realchallenge. Lately she has been fooling with my groceries before I putthem away, applying glue to the lids, making it almost impossible for meto open the jars. Is this any way to repay my hospitality?She has taken the fun out of shopping for clothes. When I try somethingon, she stands in front of the dressing room mirror and monopolizes it.She looks totally ridiculous in some of those outfits, plus, she keepsme from seeing how great they look on me.Just when I thought she couldn't get any meaner, she proved me wrong.She came along when I went to get my driver's license, and just as thecamera shutter clicked, she jumped in front of me! No one is going tobelieve the picture of that old lady is me.
-----A very weird thing has happened. A strange oldlady has moved into my house. I have no idea who she is, where she camefrom, or how she got in. I certainly did not invite her. All I know isthat one day, she wasn't there, and the next day, she was.She is a clever old lady, and manages to keep out of sight for the mostpart, but whenever I pass a mirror, I catch a glimpse of her. Andwhenever I look in the mirror to check my appearance, there she is,hogging the whole thing, completely obliterating my gorgeous face andbody. This is very rude. I have tried screaming at her, but she justscreams back.If she insists on hanging around, the least she could do is offer to paypart of the rent, but no. Ever once in a while I find a dollar billstuck in a coat pocket, or some loose change under a sofa cushion, butit is not nearly enough.I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I think she is stealing fromme. I go to the ATM and withdraw $100 and a few days later, it's allgone. I certainly don't spend money that fast, so I can only concludethe old lady is pilfering from me.You'd think she would spend some of that money to buy wrinkle cream.Lord knows she needs it! And money isn't the only thing she isstealing. Food seems to disappear at an alarming rate---especially thegood stuff like ice cream, cookies, and candy. I can't seem to keep thatstuff in the house anymore. She must have a real sweet tooth, but she'dbetter watch it ,because she is really packing on the pounds. I suspectshe realizes this, and to make herself feel better, she is tamperingwith my scale to make me think I am putting on weight, too.For an old lady, she is quite childish. She likes to play nasty games,like going into my closets when I'm not home and altering my clothes sothey don't fit. And she messes with my files and papers so I can't findanything. This is particularly annoying since I am extremely neat andorganized. She also fiddles with my VCR so it does not record what Ihave correctly programmed.She has found other imaginative ways to annoy me. She gets into my mail,newspapers, and magazines before I do, and blurs the print so I can'tread it. And she has done something really sinister to the volumecontrols on my TV, radio and telephone. Now all I hear are mumbles andwhispers.She has done other things--like make my stairs steeper, my vacuumcleaner heavier, and all my knobs and faucets harder to turn. She evenmade my bed higher so that getting into and out of it is a realchallenge. Lately she has been fooling with my groceries before I putthem away, applying glue to the lids, making it almost impossible for meto open the jars. Is this any way to repay my hospitality?She has taken the fun out of shopping for clothes. When I try somethingon, she stands in front of the dressing room mirror and monopolizes it.She looks totally ridiculous in some of those outfits, plus, she keepsme from seeing how great they look on me.Just when I thought she couldn't get any meaner, she proved me wrong.She came along when I went to get my driver's license, and just as thecamera shutter clicked, she jumped in front of me! No one is going tobelieve the picture of that old lady is me.
to the front yard in cedar...
